


Shattered

by bloodred_ander



Series: FootballKink2 Prompt Fills [1]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Community: footballkink2, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-12 06:58:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4469636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodred_ander/pseuds/bloodred_ander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fun night out with friends turns into something far more horrifying for Álvaro.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so firstly, I'm sure that this is most certainly _not_ what the OP had in mind when they prompted [this](http://footballkink2.livejournal.com/10208.html?thread=5384672#t5384672), but my brain works in evil, twisted ways and instead of writing something decent, I ended up writing this. 
> 
> The warnings are mentioned so please heed them; if you think this is not your cup of tea then don't read it. And this is also my first time writing smut (albeit non-con) so don't be too harsh on me if it's crappy :)

Álvaro lets out a grunt of pain as a fist collides with his face. He staggers back a few steps, disorientated because of the alcohol swimming in his system and also slightly woozy from the blows he's taken before he was dragged forcefully out of the bar and into a back alley. He'll admit it; he's scared. More than he's ever been in his life. One moment he was excusing himself from his friends and stumbling drunkenly towards the restroom and in the next he was being attacked and was dragged bodily out of a door and into the cool night. It also doesn't help that he has no idea what the hell this is all about.

The alley's dark and deserted; the air thick with the smell of rotting garbage and urine. And somehow, the man who is seemingly intent on breaking a few bones in his body, landing blow after blow, he smells even worse. He reeks of cigarettes and booze, his own sour body odour not much pleasant either. Álvaro can feel his left eye swelling already and he knows it's going to be a spectacular bruise come morning. His vision is unfocused but he knows he can't just let himself get beat up either. 

Trying his best to steady himself, Álvaro swings his fist out blindly, feeling a tiny bit of satisfaction when he hears a crunch and a howl of pain. His satisfaction doesn't last long. From one moment to the next he goes from swinging his arms around blindly to being slammed face-first into a nearby wall, his breath forced out of his lungs by the weight of the other man pressing into him.

"W-what do you want?" he manages to wheeze out, desperately trying to break free. His movement is severely limited. Both his hands are pinned behind his back; his wrists squeezed together within a giant hand. The man's other hand is gripping the back of his neck tightly, pressing the uninjured side of his face into the cold, hard, filthy wall. The man lets out a low chuckle, his foul breath fanning over the side of Álvaro's face, making him gag.

"I want you," he says simply. And as if to prove his point he presses up against Álvaro; chest pressed flush against Álvaro's back, hips grinding against his ass.

Álvaro still can't process what's going on. In his inebriated state, he can't fully grasp the meaning of the man's words nor can he fully understand the implications of his actions. His struggles increase, the weight of the other man against him a very unwelcome feeling. He takes a few deep breaths and tries to find his voice again. 

"Look, j-just--" he winces as the grip on his neck tightens. "If y-you want my m-money, you can take it, o-okay? I don't have much but w-whatever..... just take it a-and, and leave me alone. I won't even, won't e-even tell anyone alright. I swear! Just let m-- let me g-go!"

The man just laughs again. He presses his body more firmly against Álvaro's, effectively cutting of all movement. The hand on the back of his neck disappears, at least allowing him to breathe better. The weight pressed against him shifts slightly.

"I told you pretty boy," the man says in a voice that makes Álvaro sick to his stomach. "I want you."

He enunciates each word perfectly, and this time it's enough to break through the haze in Álvaro's mind. He stills as he finally realizes just what exactly this man is implying.

_No._  He thinks. _No! This can't be happening!_  

A jolt of fear flows through his system, turning the blood in his veins to ice. He hears what suspiciously sounds like a belt being un-buckled, and his heart hammers in his chest, breath coming out in short, terrified gasps.

"No, no, no," he whispers, still not fully believing that what was happening to him was real. He starts squirming around frantically; using his shoulders to push off the wall, trying his best to use his legs to land a few kicks despite his awkward position. His efforts earn him a displeased grunt from the other man and a second later a hand snakes it's way through his hair, gripping the strands hard and forcefully pulling his head away from the wall.

He barely has time to register what's happening as his head is slammed into the wall, hard. He feels even more disorientated now; head throbbing, the right side of his face slick with what he knows is blood. He can smell it, can taste it as it trickles down his face, over his lips and down his neck, drenching the collar of his shirt. The knot of fear in his stomach grows but he's too dizzy to do anything anymore. Even when he feels the belt being buckled around his wrists, binding them together tight enough to cut off circulation, he can't do anything other than whimper pathetically and twist and turn uselessly in the man's grasp. 

Once his wrists are bound to the man's satisfaction, the brute goes back to grinding his crotch against his ass. He places his hands on either side of Álvaro's head, letting out pleased sighs as he keeps grinding against him. Álvaro can _feel_ him through their clothes; hard and _huge_ , clearly intent on forcefully taking his pleasure from Álvaro's body. He squeezes his eyes shut, not wanting to cry, not wanting the feeling of helplessness to take over him completely. 

"No! Let me go!" he forces out the words, all the anger he can manage bleeding into his voice. "Let me go! You sick bastard! _Let me go!"_

He's yelling now, hoping that someone would hear him despite how empty, dark and secluded this alley they're in seems to be. Someone has to hear him! There has to be someone who will help him!

"Shut up," the man growls. He moves his right hand up to Álvaro's head, his fingers tangling painfully in his hair as he tugs his head backwards. Álvaro lets out a pained cry, yelling loudly and praying that someone would hear him. _God damn it!_ Where were his friends? Surely they would have noticed he was missing? Surely someone must have seen him being dragged away?

"Please! Just let me g--" Álvaro's plea is cut short as a piece of cloth's shoved forcefully into his mouth, effectively gagging him. He opens his eyes wide, trying desperately to call for help even with his mouth stuffed full. He starts struggling again, trying any and everything to get away from his fucked up situation. 

The grip on his hair tightens, his head is being pressed against the cold, unforgiving wall again. The pain almost doesn't register, the only thing coursing through his veins is pure, unadulterated fear. If he was scared earlier, he's most definitely terrified now. 

The man's left hand traces a path down his chest; toying with his nipples, then moving lower down his flat stomach and then finally resting on his crotch. He palms Álvaro through his jeans, hips still ruthlessly grinding into his ass. Álvaro doesn't know what to do. The feel of the man's hand on him and his dick pressing against his ass is so sickening, that for a moment or two Álvaro actually thinks he may puke. But then again, his mouth is gagged and he really doesn't want to add any more to his discomfort.

The grinding and groping goes on for a while, the man's quite moans and pleased sighs growing more and more loud. Álvaro knows things will somehow only get worse from here on and he's proven right just a second later. The hand on his crotch moves up to unbutton his jeans and pull down his zipper. Ávaro lets out a strangled grunt of fear and frantically increases his efforts to break free, even though he already knows it's useless. He squeezes his thighs together to prevent his pants from being tugged down his waist. The man simply lets out an amused chuckle at his futile struggling and untangles his hand from Álvaro's hair, trailing it down towards his hips.

Álvaro screams helplessly, the sound muffled by the makeshift gag, as the man grips his thighs with his hands and spreads them apart, pushing a leg in between to keep them open. He then hooks his thumbs into the waistband of Alvaro's jeans and boxers and pulls them both down roughly, letting them slide down his legs and pool at his ankles. 

Álvaro knows what's coming next.

He hears the man let out an appreciative chuckle. He hears him fumble to get his own pants open. He hears the low, pleased moan as he spreads Álvaro's cheeks apart with forceful hand, even as he _feels_ his cock rubbing all along his crack, feels the slick spreading between his cheeks.

Álvaro knows what's coming next and he's terrified. He's not sure what to do or how he's going to function after this. He's so scared and helpless and all he can do is cry. Cry and scream his throat raw even though it's useless. He doesn't want this to happen. He wishes he could just die instead. 

"I've been watching you all night y'know," the bastard says, still moving so repulsively against him. "Knew I had to have you the moment I laid my eyes on you."

He moans loudly this time, his right hand moves up to tangle in Álvaro's hair again. 

"Such a pretty thing," he says softly, the supposed praise making Álvaro's skin crawl. The cock sliding between his cheeks finally stills, the blunt head pressing right against that tight clutch of muscle, making Álvaro's entire body tense up. He's trembling uncontrollably, he's shaking his head,  crying out a constant stream of _'No! Please don't!'_ that probably sounds like nothing more than pathetic grunts and sobs, the actual words, being blocked by the gag from spilling past his lips.

Álvaro tries his best to brace himself for what's next. It still isn't enough. 

Then, with a groan of pure bliss, the man pushes in past the ring of muscles and buries himself deep within Álvaro, in one hard, brutal thrust. The pain is excruciating; the huge dick that's splitting Álvaro open causing his entire body to _burn_ at the horrifying, forceful stretch of muscles. Álvaro's scream of agony gets cut short as he chokes on a sob. The tears roll down his cheeks like a waterfall. The pain is all is body can register at the moment; the forceful intrusion making his nerves feel like they're on fire. He can feel the telltale trickle of warm blood down his inner thighs and the shame that washes over him is somehow _so_ much worse than the pain.

The man behind him starts moving, the pace he sets is hard and fast. An all new surge of pain and shame floods Álvaro's system; he stops fighting against what's happening to him, the only thing he does is sob. He keeps sobbing as the man slams over and over into the tight clutch of his body, moaning wantonly. His hands grab Álvaro's thighs and spread his legs further apart, the move causing him to go _deeper_ into Álvaro's body, ramming into his prostate and causing another bolt of pain to shoot through him.

As Álvaro's body keeps shaking with the intensity of the man's thrusts, grunts of pain escaping with each move the other makes, he can only think of one thing: _Isco_. 

God, what would he tell Isco? How would Isco even react? Would he leave him now? Would he leave Álvaro because he was _used_? Because he was being taken over and over, against his will, by some other man? Would Isco even believe him? Would he believe that all this was actually happening forcefully? Or would he blame Álvaro for everything? 

Álvaro would die if Isco ever left him.

The fucking goes on and on, the pace brutal and bruising. Álvaro can't register anything anymore; the man's pleased moans, the sound of skin slapping against skin, the bruising grips on his thighs, nothing. He can't feel anything other than shame, his cheeks burning in humiliation. He squeezes his eyes shut, chest heaving with sobs, and just shuts out everything as best as he can.

Finally, after what feels like an agonising eternity later, his goddamn rapist stills within him and Álvaro can feel the hot rush of seed as it fills him. He's never been more disgusted with himself in his entire life.

Álvaro is, on some plane, aware of the man pulling out of him with a quite, satisfied sigh. He's aware of his hands being unbound. He can even feel himself slip down the wall, can hear the hurried footsteps of the man, his _rapist_ , as he leaves Álvaro where he is and flees, obviously scared of being caught by someone, now that he's satisfied himself. 

Álvaro is vaguely aware of everything but he doesn't react. He _cannot_ react.

He just sits there on the cold, filthy floor, his thighs messy with blood and semen, he pulls out the piece of cloth gagging him, and then he buries his head in his hands and cries. He sits there in the dark, and bawls.

What does he do now? Who does he call for help? Would anyone even care? Or would they simply judge him, be disgusted by what was done to him? Like he was disgusted with himself. 

He just sits there, on the cold hard floor, for a long, long time and cries. Álvaro blames himself. He feels disgusted and ashamed of what happened to him. He honestly still cannot fully grasp that he's been violated. That he's been raped. That he's been had forcefully, against his will.

He slowly, gingerly, pulls up his pants, wincing at the pain that flares through him at even the slightest of movements. Once he's fully clothed again, he weakly pats his pockets for his cell phone, feeling the smallest bit of relief once he finds it. He pulls it out and just stares unknowingly at it for a long time.

 

Oh God, what was he going to do now? How would he be able to live with himself after this?

 

——

 

It's almost three in the morning when Isco's phone starts ringing. 

He stops his frantic pacing around the hall room and lunges at his phone, lying on the coffee table. The relief that floods him is almost dizzying. 

The caller ID flashes Álvaro's name.

Álvaro had told Isco he was going out with friends, to celebrate a birthday or some other thing. Isco had been only slightly apprehensive about the idea, warning Álvaro not to drink too much and telling him to be careful. Álvaro had promised he would do exactly as Isco asked and even promised that he would be home by eleven. So obviously Isco had been frantic when, even as the clock showed it was well past midnight, Álvaro still hadn't returned home. He called a few of Álvaro's friends, so drunk they could barely form coherent sentences, and all of them had said the same thing; Álvaro had left the bar long before any of them. So since Isco couldn't exactly go driving aimlessly around the city, searching for his lover, he decided to wait at home for Álvaro to return. 

And now finally, after the many calls Isco had left him that had gone unanswered, Álvaro was calling him. A huge smile broke out on Isco's face even as he prepared to chew Álvaro's ear off for making him worry so much. 

"Álvaro? Oh thank god! Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be back by eleven. It's fucking three in the morning! And why the hell didn't you answer any of my calls? Do you have any idea how worried I was?!"

Isco stops his rambling abruptly, noting the silence on the other end of the line. An all new wave of panic and worry replaces the relief that he was feeling only moments ago.

"Álvaro?" he asks softly, hesitating. 

The silence on the other end is finally broken by loud sob. Isco can feel his heart constrict painfully. 

_"Isco,"_ he hears Álvaro sob his name. _"I'm.. I--"_

Then Álvaro breaks down, and Isco can feel his own heart breaking at the sound of Álvaro's sobs.

"Álvaro? W-whats wrong?" he asks even as he grabs his jacket and keys, rushing out the front door. "Where are you?"

Álvaro manages to tell him where he is, words barely intelligible because of how he's sobbing into the phone. Isco starts his car up and pulls out of the driveway, whispering comforting words into his phone.

The panic in his chest only keeps growing every minute, the thought of Álvaro being hurt making his stomach churn.

Isco feels the warm, wet path his own tears trace down his cheeks and he slams his fist into the steering wheel. Álvaro was probably hurt.

And he couldn't help feeling that somehow, it was all his fault. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hurt/comfort that some had requested. I know I said I wouldn't write a second chapter but well... I literally had to squeeze this out of nowhere.
> 
> Forgive the inconsistencies and enjoy reading :)

It's been a week since the incident took place and Álvaro hasn't shown any sign of recovery. His bruises have healed; no black eye, no welts on his wrists, and most of all, Isco's thankful he just doesn't have to see Álvaro painfully limp while he walks, or wince as he sits down. He's thankful he doesn't have to see the most visible proof of what happened to Álvaro, something he could have prevented if he was by his lovers side at the time. Something that shouldn't have happened in the first place. But despite the physical recovery, Álvaro's emotional and psychological state remains as broken as ever. He just sits stationary the entire day, looking pale and fragile; a mere shadow of his former cheerful self. So different from the boy Isco knows and loves so dearly.

At least he's finally eating now, barely, but Isco's relieved he doesn't have to force him to eat. And he's even talking to him again, if only just a few sentences throughout the day. It isn't much but it's improvement. Isco knows he has to be as gentle and patient with his lover as he can be. Keep him safe, make him feel loved and protected, give him time to deal with everything, be the pillar of support that he so desperately needs now. This whole ordeal is traumatic enough for him, he can't even imagine what it must be like for Álvaro.

Isco remembers when Álvaro was taken for a rape-kit exam. He was sobbing, terrified, but he had showed a remarkable amount of courage. Even when Isco had been unsure of letting him go through with it, Álvaro had assured him that this needed to be done. That the asshole that did this to him needed to be found, if only to prevent him from doing something like this to someone else. Isco agreed, of course, but he wasn't so keen on Álvaro undergoing the rape-kit exam; the thought of Álvaro being alone in a room with strangers who would ask him to strip down, and then poke and prod at him, doing very thorough internal exams while photographing everything they did, it was too much to bear. But Álvaro, his brave, strong, Álvaro, had gone through with it. Even though it left him feeling more unsettled afterwards. At least he told Isco he felt the tiniest bit better knowing that his rapist wouldn't be roaming the streets looking for another victim.

The worst is over now but it's still agonizing, watching his Álvaro starving himself, crying himself to sleep and then waking a few hours later, screaming and thrashing, and cringing away when Isco tries to hold and comfort him. He's been trying his best to be there for his boyfriend, to be supportive, but it isn't easy when Álvaro's so keen on avoiding him. Isco doesn't blame him, of course, neither does he get mad at him, just stays beside him always, hoping his presence will help calm and sooth Álvaro to some extent. It mostly doesn't; Álvaro grumbles at him to stop hovering, stop treating him like some porcelain doll and just leave him alone for some time. Isco doesn't leave him. No, he's never going to leave him alone. Never again.

 

 

 

Two weeks go by and Álvaro still doesn't inform his parents of what happened. Isco feels like they would want to know everything that happened to their son, but Álvaro doesn't agree with him. They have an argument. And it's pathetic that this is the most they've said to each other in days.

"It's my choice if I want to tell them about it or not!" Álvaro yells. And yes, obviously, the choice is his. It's the only reason that Isco himself hasn't told Álvaro's parents what happened.

"But they need to know....." Isco speaks as softly and gently as he can. That seems to piss his lover off even more.

"No they don't!" If possible he yells even louder, his voice cracking a little as tears stream down his cheeks. "I can't tell them. I won't. I don't want them to look at me like I'm something that's broken. I don't want them to look at me because I.... I don't want to see the pity in their eyes. I don't want them to say they're sorry, to see them wallow in guilt. I don't want them to make this about..... about them; watch them hurt not because of what happened to me, but because they weren't there to prevent it. I don't.... Don't.... I-I'm... "

It doesn't even take Isco a second to walk over to Álvaro and hug him close; he holds him tight against his chest, runs a comforting hand through his hair, and whispers soothing words into his ear. Álvaro just keeps sobbing, and when it feels like he can't hold himself up anymore, Isco gently lowers them both to the couch, sitting so that he can hold Álvaro as close to him as possible. They stay like that for what feels like an eternity; Isco holding onto Álvaro like he's scared that he'll vanish into thin air, and Álvaro still shaking slightly as he cries. When Álvaro finally speaks again, it takes a surprising amount of effort for Isco to stop his own tears from flowing down his cheeks.

"How.... H-how can you still love me after everything that's happened?" Álvaro's voice is barely a whisper, but Isco can hear the pain in his words, the doubt, and the self-loathing. "How can you still love me when I don't even love myself?"

 _Because it's not your fault. None of this is. You're the victim, you're the one who's been hurt. You are most certainly not at fault, no matter what you think. I know dealing with all this isn't easy but I love you even more for that. I love how you've shown so much of courage, so much strength. I still love you because you are that same, beautiful person I fell in love with. Our lives have been turned around by what happened, but you haven't changed. If anything, you've become stronger, and I love you even more for that..._  Isco wants to say all this out loud, but he doesn't. Álvaro won't believe him, he knows because this isn't the first time Álvaro's asked him this.

Isco just holds him impossibly closer, whispering I love you over and over like a mantra, his throat hurts with the effort it takes to keep his voice steady, and his eyes burn with un-shed tears. It's probably not what Álvaro wants to hear, but it is what he needs to hear.

It feels like forever but Álvaro eventually calms down. He slumps completely against Isco, and it takes him a while to realize that he's asleep. Isco holds him for a minute longer. When he hears Álvaro's snores, he gently scoops him up - trying so hard to ignore how painfully light Álvaro feels in his arms - and carries him into their shared bedroom, gently laying him on the bed. Isco pulls the covers over him, places a gentle kiss to his forehead, and then beats a hasty retreat to the bathroom. He shuts and locks the door behind him. Then he slides down to the floor, buries his head in his hands, and just falls apart.

_.... I don't want them to look at me like I'm something that's broken_

_I don't want to see the pity in their eyes_

_I don't want them to make this about them...._

Isco wishes he could just beat the crap out of himself. He's been stupid, so stupid; treating Álvaro in the exact way he didn't want to be treated.

He pulls at his hair, sobbing uncontrollably, and makes up his mind; he needs to stop making this about himself. Needs to stop treating Álvaro like he's made of glass. Isco needs to be as normal as he can be with him, he needs to stop making Álvaro feel helpless and weak, and he needs to help him realize how strong he really is. Álvaro isn't broken, he isn't weak. Isco knows that now. He just has to be sure that Álvaro knows it too.

From the next morning, Isco changes tactics. He stills cares, of course he does. But he doesn't hover, he doesn't fuss over Álvaro, doesn't look at him with a worried expression plastered onto his face. More importantly, he stops wallowing in guilt; this isn't about you, it's about Álvaro he reminds himself. He tries his best to behave like how he normally would, like how he behaved before.....

It's slow going but it works; three days later, Álvaro laughs for the first time in weeks. Isco had told him a random joke, and to his surprise, Álvaro had actually laughed at it instead of just ignoring him. Isco couldn't ever remember being that happy. He sticks to what he's doing after that; he doesn't try to pretend that everything's perfectly normal, but at least he doesn't act like everything's ruined either. Because it isn't, Álvaro's here with him, and that is more than enough.

A month passes by relatively quickly. Álvaro seems a lot like his former self now; he doesn't starve himself anymore, doesn't cry himself to sleep, and he rarely has nightmares. And on the few nights that he does wake up screaming and crying, he let's Isco comfort him and hold him close as he falls back to sleep. Álvaro even laughs more, poking fun at Isco from time to time. He looks nothing like he did a month ago. Isco thought he was happy before, it's nothing like how he feels now, watching Álvaro getting better day by day.

Of course, things aren't exactly a hundred percent. Álvaro still doesn't feel comfortable leaving the house, even if Isco accompanies him. And he doesn't like talking to anyone apart from Isco either.

Isco knows to take it slow. He doesn't push things. He lets Álvaro take his own time, and focuses mainly on just being there for him. For whatever he may need.

 

 

 

Two months after the incident, Álvaro finally decides to tell his parents. Isco offers his support and understanding, but otherwise stays out of the way.

He hears as Álvaro speaks calmly over the phone, his voice sounding sure and steady. He tells them everything that happened; the assault and what happened after. He tells them about the rape-kit exam and informs them that the police are still looking for the perpetrator. He tells them he's okay now, better than before. And he also tells them that them crying and feeling sorry for him will only make him feel worse. He tells them he doesn't want their pity, but their support. Isco just sits on the couch, while Álvaro paces the living room, phone pressed to his ear. The conversation seems to go well. His parents will be with him in a week; they'll fly over to Madrid from London, where they're currently living because of their jobs. Álvaro doesn't seem to mind this too much but he does look exhausted after he ends the call and flops down on the couch beside Isco.

This is the first time since that night that Álvaro's ever spoken about everything that happened to him. Isco imagines it must be tough for him.

Later that night, when they're both huddled under the covers, ready to call it a night, Álvaro kisses him. It's more like a peck really; he just presses his lips against Isco's and then turns around and buries himself under the blankets completely. Isco's so stunned he just gapes for a minute. Then his face just breaks into a huge smile, heart feeling like it's going to beat right out of his chest. He mumbles a goodnight into the silence of the room, smiling even wider when Álvaro pulls the blankets closer around himself. He's embarrassed, Isco can tell. Just like he'd been the very first time they had kissed. It feels like that first time all over again.

Isco's so deliriously happy that he stays up the entire night, staring at the ceiling with a smile on his lips. He doesn't even care when he sees the bags under his eyes the next morning.

 

Álvaro's parents come a lot sooner than expected but he doesn't seem to mind, he just seems happy to see them. Isco's happy to see them too.

Álvaro's mother comes up to him and hugs him, and Isco is surprised when she thanks him for taking care of her son. He just smiles at her. Álvaro's parents are the coolest people he's met. They're extremely supportive of their son. Isco first learnt of this when Álvaro had taken him home to introduce to his parents. Honestly, he'd expected a lot of drama - the kind that took place when he told his parents he was gay - but was pleasantly surprised when he'd been welcomed with open arms. That was three years ago. His own parents still haven't spoken to him, and it hurts, but Isco hopes they'll come around eventually

Álvaro's parents end up staying for a few weeks, and thank god for that because Álvaro's recovered even more. He goes out of the house now, answers his calls, and he even went out for lunch with a few of his friends. Isco's over the moon and it probably shows, but he doesn't really care. Álvaro's parents don't smother him, but they are overbearing in the way all parents are. It's just because they care. The only time a problem arises is when Álvaro's mother suggests talking to a shrink. Álvaro throws a fit. His mother drops the topic.

Álvaro cries when his parents have to go back to London. He asks them to stay a little longer; they can't. They ask him to come with them; Álvaro doesn't want to. Before they go, Isco feels like he shouldn't, but he thanks them for staying longer than they normally would have. Álvaro's mother kisses him on his forehead and tells him to take care of himself and her son.

She leaves them the therapist's number just in case.

 

At night, Isco tentatively kisses Álvaro, if only to wipe the sad frown off his features. Álvaro hesitates at first but then he melts into the kiss. His lips moving in sync with Isco's.

The kiss starts out gentle, but escalates quickly, and in seconds, Isco has Álvaro pinned beneath him on the bed as he ravishes his mouth. Álvaro moans into the kiss, wrapping his legs around Isco's waist, as his hands tangle in Isco's hair. Isco's hard in a matter of seconds. He grinds his clothed groin into Álvaro's, enjoying the way his lover moans into his mouth. It's been months since they've done this and Isco feels like a horny teenager all over again. He slips his hands beneath Álvaro's shirt, familiarizing himself with the feel of the younger boy's heated skin. Once he starts getting lightheaded, Isco pulls back from the kiss. He trails his lips down to Álvaro's jaw, leaving hot, wet kisses. Álvaro moans, bucking up into him, his hands pulling at Isco's hair hard enough to make him wince. Álvaro's as excited and desperate as Isco is. Isco kisses his way up to Álvaro's ear, licking the shell before biting down, smirking at the needy whine Álvaro makes.

"I want you," he half whispers half groans into Álvaro's ear. "God, I want you so bad."

And Isco's too turned on to immediately notice how still Álvaro has gone beneath him. Isco moves to capture Álvaro's lips in a heated kiss, but Álvaro turns his face away. From one second to the next, Álvaro's struggling beneath him, pushing him off, legs trashing

"Álvaro, what's wr--" Isco isn't prepared for the way Álvaro starts sobbing.

"No... No! Please don't do this! Get off me! Please, let me go..." Álvaro keeps trashing about, shaking his head as he sobs loudly.

Isco moves off of Álvaro, having finally realized that his boyfriend seems to be having a panic attack. It breaks his heart to see him like this.

"Álvaro? Álvaro, it's okay," Isco says softly as he puts his arms on Álvaro's shoulders, hoping to calm him down. "Álvaro, it's me. It's Isco. You're safe here. It's just the two of us. You're safe.... "

It takes a minute or so but Álvaro eventually calms down. His eyes meet Isco's, but he still looks confused and scared.

"It's okay," Isco pets a hand through his hair, smiling gently. "You're safe. It's okay... "

".... I-isco?" Álvaro still looks so lost, the tears spilling out of his eyes leaving glistening tracks down his pale cheeks.

"Yeah... Yeah it's me." Isco nearly topples over as Álvaro sits up and throws himself into his arms. Isco holds him close, lets Álvaro sob into his chest. They stay like that, until Álvaro falls asleep. Isco feels like an asshole because this, this definitely is his fault. He should've know better than to rush things. Especially something like sex.

 

After a week, Álvaro suddenly decides he's ready to talk to a therapist. Isco agrees it may be a good idea. The first few days of therapy leave Álvaro exhausted, and Isco doesn't pry on what he talks about at these sessions. He understands the concept of Doctor-Patient confidentiality, and he doesn't need to know everything anyways. As long as these sessions help Álvaro, Isco doesn't need to know anything else.

They do end up doing wonders for Álvaro, just three weeks after therapy, Álvaro already seems more comfortable in his own skin. He's much, much better now and barely ever has panic attacks or nervous break downs. The only time problems do arise however is when they try anything of that nature. After that first night, Isco had been very careful. He'd never let anything escalate too quickly, always mindful of Álvaro and not wanting to cause him any sort of unease.

This, of course, pissed Álvaro of to no end.

He'd try to push things further each time, not satisfied with chaste kisses or just cuddling at night. Isco couldn't blame him; he was kinda in the same state too. But he was still careful, which meant that the more he held back the more Álvaro pushed. And that always ended badly.

"I get it," Álvaro says, his voice soft. He sounds hurt. "You just don't want me anymore."

Isco just gapes at Álvaro, who's sitting beside him on the bed, with the sheets tucked protectively around him. He looks so heart broken, so fragile and scared, like he actually believes what he's saying. Isco just can't help himself; he throws his head back and laughs. Álvaro looks at him like he's gone mad

"I could never, _ever_ , not want you," Isco says as he takes Álvaro's face in his hands. He smiles sweetly and places a gentle kiss on Álvaro's forehead. "You could grow a third eye, or even an extra arm and I'd still think that you are the most beautiful person in the world."

Álvaro smiles a little and rolls his eyes, but he still looks uncertain. "Look, Álvaro, I want this..." Isco gestures vaguely between the two of them, ".... I want you. More than anything, but I don't want you to push yourself. Just give it some more time, alright?"

Álvaro nods but he still looks so sad. Isco leans in for a kiss, just a quick peck on the lips, and smiles.

"Besides," Isco says. "You can't resist a sexy thing like me for much longer anyways."

Álvaro laughs as Isco winks at him. He smacks Isco across the chest lightly. Isco chuckles and pulls him into his arms, blankets and all.

"I don't deserve you," Álvaro says softly into Isco's chest. Isco can't disagree more with that statement.

"No," Isco says seriously. "No. I don't deserve you. You're too perfect, too good for me."

Álvaro is silent for a few seconds before he finally sighs dramatically and says, "You're right, you don't deserve me."

Isco can hear the smile in Álvaro's voice and he can't help the laugh that bubbles out of his throat again. He kisses the top of Álvaro's head.

"Too bad that you're stuck with me then," Isco mumbles and smiles brightly when Álvaro shakes his head and says, "God help me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the ending is abrupt, but like I said, I wasn't planning on writing a second chapter for this. And I'm also starting work today (first job, so excited!! Not really) so I wanted to post this before things get too hectic. 
> 
> Hope this was okay :)
> 
> (Let me know if you spot any grammatical errors).

**Author's Note:**

> Oh.My.God. I'm sooo going to hell for this!!
> 
> *hides behind couch*
> 
> *No Ragrets*
> 
> ;)
> 
>  
> 
> If you liked this (or even if you didn't) take some time and leave a comment to let me know. It'll be much appreciated! :)


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